


Fish Tails

by Foxglove_Fiction



Category: Doctor Strange (2016), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Merpeople, Ambiguously Gendered Loki, Bottom Tony Stark, Crack, Fish Porn, M/M, Magic, Other, POV Tony Stark, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Top Stephen Strange, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-30
Updated: 2018-10-30
Packaged: 2019-08-09 20:43:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16456889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Foxglove_Fiction/pseuds/Foxglove_Fiction
Summary: “Hey Tony, how was your trip?” The greeting was friendly and warm as Tony Stark slunk into the tavern, delicately sitting himself on a stool at the bar and groaning a little to the towering blond Viking of a man behind the bar.“So, first I need a quick wash of whatever swill you’re serving today, and then have I got a story for you,” the fisherman responded, looking up as Bruce wandered over, putting a hand on his shoulder in greeting. “Like the fucking a fish kind of story.”“Fishing tales again? And you, with the mermaids?” the man asked with an intrigued smile, though he sat a seat away from Tony. Not far enough to escape his particularly fishy musk, but enough to not soak his body in it further than necessary. “Haven’t you given that up, yet?”“Men, Bruce. Mermen. Man. It’s really complicated. First a drink, then… well. Then we talk.”





	Fish Tails

**Author's Note:**

> Okay. Disclaimer? This is PURE crack inspired by a chat I had with a friend that reminded me of a song from my childhood. I conceived it at about 3AM, wrote through until 7AM, was really stoned, know no nautical terms, and am not thinking too hard about this - you probably shouldn't, either. It's absurd; hopefully you can enjoy it for being precisely that. This is so very far from what I typically write in so many ways.

“Hey Tony, how was your trip?” The greeting was friendly and warm as Tony Stark slunk into the tavern, delicately sitting himself on a stool at the bar and groaning a little to the towering blond Viking of a man behind the bar.

“So, first I need a quick wash of whatever swill you’re serving today, and then have I got a story for you,” the fisherman responded, looking up as Bruce wandered over, putting a hand on his shoulder in greeting. “Like the fucking a fish kind of story.”

“Fishing tales again? And you, with the mermaids?” the man asked with an intrigued smile, though he sat a seat away from Tony. Not far enough to escape his particularly fishy musk, but enough to not soak his body in it further than necessary. “Haven’t you given that up, yet?”

“Men, Bruce. Mer _men_. Man. It’s really complicated. First a drink, then… well. Then we talk.”

* * *

The ocean is this vast place at night, right? I mean, you guys know this. We’ve lived by the ocean basically forever. Weird shit catches in the nets sometimes, there are problems… it is what it is. I’ve been out there a week, I’m talking to myself in these video logs I make to keep myself sane and there’s this just horrendous noise that echoes outside.

So I do what any dumbass would do and decide I should probably check it out, right? I mean, might’ve been a hallucination, but I’m pretty used to the effects of being alone on that damn boat by now, so who knows? The boat is jerking a bit, like it’s being pulled by something heavy on one side, and I’m tempted to just cut the line to the net that’s yanking erratically entirely but… frankly I wanted to come home, and that’s a net full of a bunch of fish. And also I’m a curious shit, who are we kidding? So I get the damn rig up and…

Tits.

Squished tits in my damn net. Attached to a pair of eyes so green I’d swear they were lit from within. And a tail. --

(“I could have sworn you’d said mer _men_ specifically?” Bruce interrupted with a far too amused look.)

\-- Look I know I said mer _men_ I’m getting to that, okay? It started with the boobfish. Because frankly, if I’m being honest with you, I’m not sure calling it female because it has breasts is the right call. So I caught a boobfish. And I did what any dumbfounded sailor would do upon realizing that the maid was in fact a boobfish, and had no vagina to speak of, and asked this frankly fucking stunning boobfish whether it had a sister. 

“You know. With a less fishy lower body.”

I dunno why I even assumed she spoke English - honestly I don’t know if I had _meant_ to ask her that at all. Seems she did, though. She looked pretty damn entertained by that, for someone half squished under fish, up against a net, hanging naked in the sky from a fishing boat, dripping wet. Look, the boobfish was hot, stop laughing. _Anyway!_ She’s not even the point! _It!_ Whatever it is!

So the boobfish actually asks me, in basically fuckin’ ye olde English if a male will suffice, and I’m just… all over that, okay? I'm desperate and _alone_ on a boat in the middle of the ocean for the next few weeks. I'll settle for fucking whatever, at this point.

“You’ll free me once I’ve fulfilled my part of the bargain?” It obviously has to ask this because, you know they always ask these kinds of things. I know my fish tales well enough to know not to let _go_ of the damn thing without them doing what they said. But I agreed anyway, despite the loss of fish because… well, everything’s easier with a friend, right?

Hah!

I dunno how the beast does it, but there he is, naked as you please with the head and torso of a very large fish scrabbling awkwardly along the deck with these tiny little flippers and these beady eyes and this _ass_ okay? You’ve never seen an ass like this. I promise you. Tight, cut, firm… full butt dimples in action. Especially because his legs were kind of the only way he could move. Honestly, just watching him try and figure out how to get to his knees was--

Bruce, I’d appreciate if you stopped looking at me like I’m a creep, for a moment, please. Just… let me tell the story, _then_ be judgmental. The damn fish could talk, too, by the way. In case that makes you feel any better.

He was pissed off and mouthy, at that. Mostly at the boobfish. Something about the punishment befitting the crime or something. I’m not totally sure, I was _really_ focused on that ass. It was when they both went quiet that I actually finally realized the boobfish had addressed me in some manner. I don’t know what she said, I only really heard the fishman give a strange sigh and a drawn out, “well, do it then,” like I had any clue what was going on.

Naturally, I eloquently inquired, “Huh?”

The tittering of the titfish - my story, I’ll change what I’m calling it as I see fit, and a tittering titfish is frankly too good to pass up - definitely made me look at her again, into those damnably hypnotic eyes. So I’m definitely paying attention this time. For sure. “I said… he looks  _very_ good as a human, too, but if you  _want_ that, _I_ need a really good show of you appreciating his current features.”

And wow my mind went reeling. Like. Honestly. She went on in some kind of detail about staring into his beady eyes or kissing him or some such. Me? I went for the kill, like the classy fucker that I am. “Hey fishlips, think you can give a blowjob like that?”

I’m pretty sure those lips opening and closing was supposed to be indignant, given what I know of him now, but uh… honestly? Suddenly seemed like a fleshlight. And I mean, the titfish was just howling with laughter, for whatever reason it so fancied, with its perky boobs jiggling and then slipping into the open space between the ropes entirely on one side, anyway. “Will that be sufficient?” mister fish had asked, sounding both annoyed and resigned. I guess he really wanted his upper body back - and I mean, I can’t exactly blame the guy, he’s… anyway. We’ll get to that part of the story later. For now, let’s talk about the kinky titfish, because - spoilers - this guy is like… her boyfriend or something? And she just spouts out:

“Oh yes! Oh do put on a good show for me, Stephen, please. I love watching you suck cock.”

So, titfish? Hot mentally. Like. I mean. I should’ve let her go as soon as he was there, right? But no… no she basically invited herself to stay and watch me fuck this guy’s fish mouth. And it was _not at all_ like a fleshlight, okay? Not in the _slightest_. I mean, it was kind of like sticking your dick into a wet sock, except that sock has a surprising amount of some kind of suction. Or in any case this fishman, Stephen, does.

It definitely wasn’t the best blowjob I’ve had, but it wasn’t the worst, either? I mean, it did the trick. Titfish was gone from my net - so, fancy that, she could’ve left _at any time_ \- and the guy? Just… yes? All long limbs and fingers, lithe muscle, you know, basically exactly what I _hoped_ would be attached to that ass and legs. But his eyes. His eyes were something else, too.

Unlike the titfish’s more hypnotic green pools, Stephen’s eyes are like small, bright moons when he watched me, getting to his feet with the grace of a cat more than any kind of fish I’ve ever seen. His arms fold across his chest and he shows absolutely no apparent care for the fact that I’m leering at him like some hormonal teenager being smashed over the head by the realization that they’re gay. Or about the fact that he’s naked, balls to the wind, on a stranger’s boat, with no apparent means of getting anywhere else. So this is… this is where the talky bit happens, right? So I’m gonna try and mimic his voice but, I’m going to tell you… I don’t remember _exactly_ every word he said, and his voice is kinda huskier than I can manage without chain-smoking. So we’ll keep it succinct.

“You turned him away.” See? So this is why I’m not sure what to call the titfish. Since the boyfriend, who presumably would know better, referred to it as a him. But I mean. Tits, okay? Big ol’ tits. It’s a confusing mess. But of course, I didn’t get it, right? So he’s like, “Loki _let_ you catch him. It’s not like he swum up into your net by accident. He never does _anything_ by accident.” And asks what I said. So, I tell him exactly what I told you, and he just… looks at me.

And I mean. What do you do when the moon stares back at you? Honestly? Because if my pants were still up I would’ve pitched a tent under that _intensely_ inquisitive stare, and don’t think for a second those damn eyes didn’t notice. And then he just gives this… I dunno. It was like a grin and a sneer met each other halfway as he dragged his eyes back up to mine.

I swear I barely blinked before my chest was against the rail, and my toes barely touched the deck and… well, I didn’t know a lot about merfolk before, but I can tell you now they’re _magic_ . And I don’t just mean like his fingers were magic doing what they do - I mean, they _were_ but that’s not the only kind of magic because I promise I didn’t keep anything even remotely lube-like anywhere near but-- oh, bye Bruce!

* * *

For a moment, Tony paused to look at the bartender, questioningly, after his best friend had fled. “Did I cross the line?”

“... I’m not opposed to listening to you talking about your ass being stretched open by magic fish dick, Tony,” Thor’s blue eyes stared back at him with a hint of mirth, and something that might’ve been lust?

“... is this going to get weird?”

“Only for Bruce. Later. When I need to work off this crazed fantasy of yours. Please, continue.”

* * *

Right! So. Magic lube. That’s an awesome merperk. His really long fingers? Also outstanding. His kinky ass titfish? Yeah. Just as he’s about to stuff that long schlong in - I’m gonna say long schlong way more, now. Make that face, Thor. Yeah. Long schlong. Just get it out of your system. Ready? Good.

Just when he’s about to stuff his cock in my ass, I see those _damned green pools_ in the water, just peering at me. I can’t see any other part of her face in the dark, with the way the moon reflected off the water otherwise, but her eyes just watched. And I watched back. I couldn’t _stop_ watching back - I mean it, I tried to blink - hell, I tried to drop my head forward completely in a moan when Stephen slid inside of me all in one thrust like… damn. But I couldn’t look away from her.

Magic. I’m telling you. Just sheer magic. All of it. The titfish floated her way to the surface at some point - I’m not sure when, frankly, since I could barely see anything beyond her eyes when he started fucking me _hard_. And let me tell you, I had not been in that position for… I dunno, a decade? Plus I barely had any kind of traction on the deck, which was wet, so I mean… really he had me like teetering on the edge of this rail, holding me there with my arms behind my back, each thrust making me slide a bit over the rail before he’d pull me back and wow now that I’m talking about it now holy shit what if he’d just let go?

But Thor, buddy, I gotta tell you. Between those eyes, and that dick, I wasn’t thinking about anything else much. Except occasionally the sound of my voice echoing on the ocean as the prick hit my prostate - hah! See what I did there? Because Stephen’s a prick and-- yeah you get it, good.

Boy did those eyes light up when I moaned, though. They sparked with light, I swear, more intense, more focused. Hungry. Watching me. Not us… _me_ . It’s at about the time a hand wraps around my entirely aching erection that I realize, _I offended her_ … and apparently this was _retribution_ . Maybe realized is a weird word for it - it’s more like, I just _knew_ suddenly. Like the thought was - you know what? Magic. Probably magic based on the look you’re giving me. Alright.

Well. It didn’t take more than a couple long strokes of his hand, and a devious smile on the titfish’s face before I wasn’t the only sea man on the boat, if you know what I mean. And by that I mean I fucking came hard, okay? Just. Don’t judge me…? Bartender’s have an oath of secrecy, right? Anyway… the titfish totally just disappeared after that. Poof. Gone. I haven’t seen her again.

Stephen on the other hand? … yeah, he and I definitely uh. Got more acquainted. Hell, he helped me fill the hold and set me on my way back. And then just gone. One morning, poof, without a trace. And now my sore, well fucked ass is here, and I’d really like another drink for my woes?

* * *

A cup was poured, and Thor give him a perfectly amused look. “So. You got fucked by a fishman. In front of his gender ambiguous partner. And got off on it. That’s what you’re trying to tell me.”

“... I’m a fish-fucker.”

“Yeah. You’re a fish-fucker, Tony. Or just a really extravagant liar. Either way I’m entertained, so that one’s on me.”

* * *

It was well after midnight by the time Tony left the tavern, wandering along the shore towards his home with more sense than to drive, but not enough sense to bother wearing his all-too-heavy boots on his walk. Bare feet toed through rough sand and shell fragments, his eyes focused on putting one foot in front of the other until a soft song reached him, leaving him to freeze in his spot.

_What shall we do with the drunken sailor?_

His head whipped around, and the world spun around him a good three or four times, despite that he was certain he'd only turned his head a little bit. As the world came into focus again, he saw them out beyond the docks, little lighthouses on the water, green and silver watching him intently.

_What shall we do with the drunken sailor?_

He pivoted, his body moving towards the docks rather rapidly, a part of him utterly disbelieving. He hadn't heard that voice since the first day - hadn't seen those all too green eyes since then. His feet padded along the wood of the dock soon enough.

_What shall we do with the drunken sailor early in the morning?_

Stephen was in the light as he reached the end of the dock, his head relaxed against his arms as he rested his upper body against the dock with a little smile. Before Tony could reach out to him, however, Stephen grinned and pushed himself back off the deck and into the water, a long dark blue tail trailing after him as he casually relaxed into the water on his back. Green eyes drew closer, and a green tail caught the glint of light here and there, though the other remained just outside the reach of any direct light. Realizing that, Tony made his way to a less well lit area of the dock and sat himself on the dock, dangling his feet into the water. In moments, the pair drew close, though the titfish came close enough to rest breasts against his leg, and a chin on his knee.

"What if I dragged you into the deep and kept you, sailor?" a pair of pretty lips asked as black nails brushed lightly along the fisherman's leg.

"... you gonna introduce yourself before you drown me?" he found himself asking, though unlike before the pull of the other's gaze was not such that he couldn't look towards where Stephen paddled, looking very much like the cat that ate the canary. The expression was echoed in the face of the creature against his leg as it pulled away, it's body slowly changing as the tail that had formerly crept up to it's bellybutton began to slowly recede.

"You want my name? Come swim with me, and I'll whisper it in your ear." There was a sly smile on the other's face as Tony started to empty his pockets. This was a terrible idea. But he was made of terrible ideas anyway, so what the hell?

"That... sounds like a great idea." And while he was busy with bad ideas and undoing his buttons, he asked, "So uh, are you a guy or a girl?"

There was a sharp, echoing laugh that could only have come from Stephen, as the unnamed, curiously gendered creature stared at him with a bemused smile. "Oh honey. I'm exactly what you want me to be. My appearance comes from your imagination. Stephen enjoys men, as such to him I am a man. You prefer something more androgynous, is it?" Well. That explained a couple of things, for sure. As his skin hit the water, he felt a curious warmth cover him as the woman (he'd decided, if that was the case) wrapped around him and pressed her lips close to his ear.  
  
"My name is Loki, and you are mine now, Tony Stark."

END

**Author's Note:**

> The song that inspired this was some sort of sea shanty about a guy who gets sent a mermaid and goes "I mean she's pretty, but what am I supposed to do with this? Take her back and send me the sister with the fish head, and woman's legs!" Honestly I can't find it now, which makes me sad, but there are definitely other sea shanties with a similar theme such as Great Big Sea's "The Mermaid." I felt like it was important to at least incorporate a sea shanty into it all, though, so the classic Drunken Sailor seemed appropriate.
> 
> If you made it this far, I hope you had fun with it!


End file.
